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Stay at home moms face a special dilemma when they are contemplating divorce. They have no financial resources. They often stay in bad marriages for years due to the fear of being left destitute. Many have been unemployed for most of their married lives and think they have little to put on a resume. Knowing that the kind of job she will get may not support her children, often a stay at home mom will not leave a bad situation out of fear of having her precious bundles taken from her. For most, it’s worth staying in a bad marriage in order to keep the children. This is certainly understandable. However, it doesn’t necessarily have to be a choice between the two. Take the following steps to ensure your financial stability when you walk out that door.
First, understand that it’s best not to make the announcement that you’re leaving before you are prepared. If you can, try to live as peacefully as possible with your spouse until things are at least planned out. For the sake of this article, it will be assumed that you have at least one month before you need to leave your marriage. If you don’t, just take as many steps as you can before you head out.
Step #1: Check on titles to assets. Whether it’s cars, furniture, or the house itself, you need to know whose name it’s in. While things may get divided more evenly in divorce court, that could be a while. You need to know what you can take with you without argument during the separation period. This will give you an idea of what big ticket items you’ll need to be able to buy (or at least borrow from someone) until things are finalized.
Step #2: Check the prenuptial agreement. If you signed a prenuptial agreement, look it over and see what exactly it was you agreed to. You might find loopholes that you didn’t realize were there. Also, prenuptial agreements can sometimes be challenged, so take it to a lawyer for a review if you can. It’s an added expense, but lawyers are going to be a part of this process. You need to go ahead and find one now who can be with you from the beginning.
Step #3: Search for work. Yes, you may have spent the last few years, or your entire life, cooking and cleaning. Guess what? Cooking, cleaning, and childcare have become lucrative businesses. If these are your skills, then use them. You can find work as a nanny, a household cook, a housekeeper, or even a tutor. You can also work for more than one family and earn as much as you have time to. Check out www.gonannies.com for a listing of families in your area that are looking to hire household help. You’ll be surprised at how much these families will pay well qualified people. Some positions are even on a live-in basis and will provide you with a new home for yourself instantly (and yes, some will allow you to bring your kids as long as they are well behaved). Before you do that, go to www.careerbuilder.com with your resume and submit it for a free critique. They will help you learn how to enhance it and focus on your strengths. While this doesn’t have to be a permanent situation for you if you’d prefer to work in another field, it can get you on your feet. After all, it’s the job you’ve been holding for years, and you’re quite experienced. Build on that.
Step #4: Sell and save. Most stay at home moms find themselves needing to get their hands on instant cash before they leave. This is where places like Ebay and www.half.com come in. Whether it’s jewelry, perfume, handbags, or kitchen appliances, anything that was given to you as a gift is yours to sell as you please. It’s not a fun thought, but neither is being penniless. Try not to sell anything that is close to your heart, but less important items may have to go in order to bring you financial peace of mind. You can buy more later. Right now, think about immediate needs that will soon be before you and your children.
Step #5: Get an education. That’s right, go back to school if you didn’t get a degree after high school. You can do it all online. Even traditional colleges are using programs that at least get their students an entire associate degree online, if not a bachelor’s or master’s. At the very least, start taking a couple of courses in your desired field that will immediately teach you skills that are marketable. You can start part time if you like, but don’t delay. Get an education as soon as possible, preferably before you leave.
Step #6: Find a new home. Many stay at home moms find themselves staying with relatives for a long time after a separation. While this is fine if you have no other choice, it’s best to be ready to get right back on your feet after leaving your husband. Look at apartments and rental homes with short term leases and low move-in rates. Check on the cost to turn on all the basics and to get your new place furnished with at least the necessary items. Luxuries can come later. No, high speed internet and cable are not necessities. Think in terms of just getting the water, power, and phone turned on and putting a bed and sofa in there. All appliances are often furnished. When deciding on a home, consider what is included in the cost of the rent, how long the lease is, how hard it will be to pay the rent, and what furnishings are already in place. While one home may be one hundred dollars more per month in rent than another, the added amenities might actually make it a cheaper move. Take a look at www.apartmentbluebook.com for listings, details, and prices.
Finally, it might be a good idea to talk to a financial adviser. He/she can help you determine what moves you can make in the short term to prepare yourself for this separation and divorce more hastily. At the very least, educate yourself with articles like this and on financial sites like www.money.com. You’ll have to quickly learn how to become a savvy saver. That being said, however, don’t be afraid of stepping out on your own. Opportunities are much more rampant than they once were, so go ahead and get ready to make that first move. You’ll quickly find that you aren’t as dependent on your husband’s paycheck as you once thought.
